motherhood

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m holding up the entire house with two tired hands.

The dishes.
The laundry.
The meals.
The kids’ emotions.
My own emotions.
The invisible checklist that loops through my mind from morning to night.

And recently, something in me whispered: This isn’t sustainable.

The weight I’ve been carrying—physically, emotionally, mentally—has felt heavier than ever. Especially with my husband checked out lately, glued to the TV, barely present with the kids. I know he’s struggling too—he’s said it’s depression from losing his job—but knowing that doesn’t make it easier when I feel like I’m parenting alone.

I’ve tried to push through.
Tried to be efficient.
Tried to manage everyone and everything like I’m some kind of machine.

But I’m not.
And I don’t want to be.

So yesterday… I stopped.

I didn’t plan on it. But something in me just surrendered. I let the to-do list sit where it was. I let go of trying to be “productive.” I didn’t force myself to multitask or squeeze in extra chores while my kids played.

I played with them.
Fully.
Presently.
Joyfully.

And something wild happened… I felt alive again.

I had fun. Real fun—not that fake, “I’m-smiling-but-thinking-about-dinner” kind of fun. I laughed. I chased them. I watched their faces light up and realized how long it’s been since I truly joined in their world.

And the to-do list?
It still got done.
Not all at once. Not on a strict timeline. But enough.

I’ve been noticing this pattern in myself: the more I resist what’s happening, the more I try to control everything around me. And when I do that, I feel more stressed, more reactive, more exhausted. But when I pause… when I breathe… when I accept what’s in front of me and meet it with presence—something shifts.

There’s more peace.
More grace.
More room for me and the kids to just be.

And while I still feel that familiar tug toward “getting everything done,” I’m learning that presence is productivity too.
That being with my children, fully, is not a break from my job—it is the most important part of my job.

So today, I’m choosing that again.
Even if it’s messy.
Even if the laundry piles up.
Even if dinner is just chicken nuggets and cut-up fruit.

I’m choosing presence over perfection.
Connection over control.
And joy—real joy—over just making it through the day.

1. Letting the to-do list go (just for a little while)
   I didn’t abandon responsibility—I just pressed pause. I reminded myself that the dishes could wait, the laundry would still be there later, and that I could trust time to stretch a little if I chose to be present now. Releasing that inner urgency made space for joy.
2. Breathing before reacting
   When I noticed overwhelm or frustration bubbling up, I put my hand on my chest and just took a slow, deep breath. It didn’t fix everything, but it gave me a pause—a window where I could respond gently instead of snapping or zoning out. That breath anchored me to now.
3. Saying yes to play
   Instead of trying to get the kids to “go play” so I could do something else, I stepped into their world. Even five minutes of full-body, full-heart play shifted the energy in our home. It reminded me that joy is right here when I choose to engage in it.

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You’re Not Alone

If you’re a mom feeling overwhelmed, like you’re constantly doing everything for everyone else—please know this: you are not failing. You’re just carrying too much. And sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is let something go and be right here, just for a moment.

You deserve joy too.

Let the house be a little messy. Let the list wait. Let your heart rest in the giggles, the sunshine, the tiny hands pulling you into their world.

It’s not perfect. It’s presence.
And that’s more than enough. 💛