life

  • How I Made It Through Thanksgiving Without Bingeing for the First Time

    Lately, I’ve been really intentional about stepping away from weight loss as a goal. Not because I don’t want to lose weight eventually… but because I finally understand something huge:

    If I don’t rewire my brain first, any weight I lose will just come right back.

    My brain has been wired since childhood to use food for comfort. Full stop. End of story. And until I address that, I can diet all I want, but nothing will change long-term.

    So right now, I’m focusing on two things:

    Consistency
    and
    Mindful eating.

    These are the two areas I’ve struggled with the most—especially when life gets chaotic.

    Thanksgiving Was the Test… and My Brain Wanted Comfort Food SO Badly

    Thanksgiving break last week was rough in all the ways that usually send me spiraling:

    • Family gatherings
    • Cooking and planning
    • Hosting friends
    • Kids home all day
    • Sensory overload
    • Stress
    • Noise
    • Emotional tension

    And, of course, a big one: my husband and I weren’t getting along.

    In the past, any one of these things would have been enough to push me straight into a binge.

    But this year, I made myself a promise:

    No matter what happens, stay consistent with mindful eating.
    Not perfect. Not restrictive. Just consistent.

    Because here’s the truth:
    Food doesn’t solve any of those problems.
    Not the stress.
    Not the overwhelm.
    Not the noise.
    Not the fighting.
    Not the exhaustion.

    If anything, it makes everything worse because afterward comes the anxiety, the guilt, the bloating, and the crash.

    So This Year, I Did Something Different

    Even through all the chaos, I slowed down.

    I listened to my body.

    I ate when I was hungry.

    I stopped when I was satisfied — not stuffed.

    I even did that at the Thanksgiving meal.
    No seconds.
    No rushing.
    And yes, I had pie.

    But I actually enjoyed the pie. I savored it without guilt, without fear, without using it as a shield to block out my feelings.

    And the most shocking part?

    I didn’t binge even once.

    I truly don’t think that has ever happened to me on a holiday. Maybe not since I was little.

    Rewiring My Brain, One Thought at a Time

    The real work wasn’t the eating — it was the thinking.

    There were moments where my thoughts said:

    “Just eat the leftover pie. It’s in the fridge.”

    Old me would’ve either fought the thought using willpower (and lost)…
    or obeyed it instantly.

    But this time, I watched it.

    I didn’t argue with it.
    I didn’t shame it.
    I didn’t cling to it.
    I just observed:

    Do I actually want pie right now?

    And the answer was an immediate, solid no.

    So I had a coconut bar instead — something that tastes amazing to me, satisfies me, and doesn’t make my blood sugar crash or leave me bloated like pie does.

    It wasn’t about choosing the “healthy” option.
    It was about choosing what I actually wanted.

    I’m Not Focusing on What I Eat — I’m Focusing on How and Why

    This is the foundation I never built before.

    This — the slowing down, the emotional awareness, the consistency, the self-trust — is the work that prevents binges.

    This is the work that heals.

    This is the work that allows the weight to release naturally later, without forcing it, without punishing myself, and without white-knuckling through cravings.

    Right now, I’m not counting calories.
    I’m not restricting.
    I’m not trying to be perfect.
    I’m not chasing a number on a scale.

    I’m fixing the fundamentals I’ve ignored for years.

    Because when my why is in the wrong place, my how will always follow.

    And that’s exactly why the binges happen.

    So this season of my life is about:

    ✨ Choosing consistency over perfection
    ✨ Eating mindfully, not mindlessly
    ✨ Listening to my body, not my stress
    ✨ Rewiring my brain with patience rather than force
    ✨ Being gentle but firm with myself
    ✨ Building trust again, one meal at a time

    And honestly?
    It feels like the first time I’m truly making progress.

  • Finding My Groove: Showing Up for My Kids (and Myself)

    This week has felt different — in the best way. For a long time, I was just going through the motions as a mom. I was there physically, but my mind was everywhere else: thinking about work, my to-do list, what to make for dinner, or just waiting for bedtime so I could finally relax.

    But lately, I’ve found my groove. And it’s changing everything.

    Healing My Nervous System

    The biggest shift started with me. For years, I was living in constant fight-or-flight mode — rushing, reacting, trying to control everything. No wonder I didn’t have the capacity to be fully present with my kids.

    Over the last few months, I’ve been intentionally healing my nervous system, which has looked like:

    • Releasing trapped emotions that were stuck in my body and weighing me down.
    • Feeling my heart more instead of staying numb or disconnected from my emotions.
    • Meditating regularly, even for just a few minutes a day, to slow my thoughts and reconnect with my breath.
    • Choosing slow, intentional movement (like walking, stretching, or gentle yoga) instead of always rushing from task to task.
    • Doing less throughout the day and letting go of the guilt for not being “productive” every second.
    • Somatic exercises to bring my body back to a state of safety and regulation.

    Bit by bit, my body has started to feel safe again — and that safety has opened up space for connection.

    A Huge Realization

    This past weekend, I uncovered something huge about myself. Growing up as a middle child, I didn’t get much attention. And now, as an adult, I notice how that’s been showing up everywhere: craving attention from my husband, wanting my kids to notice me, even seeking it from my work team.

    Realizing this was eye-opening. It helped me see why giving my children undivided attention matters so much. I don’t want them to grow up feeling unseen the way I often did. Instead, I want them to feel deeply loved, heard, and valued — not through big gestures, but through the simple act of me being present with them.

    The Power of Presence

    Now that I feel calmer inside, I can actually show up for my kids. Not distracted, not halfway listening while I scroll my phone or mentally plan tomorrow. Just there — noticing the silly things they say, getting on the floor to play, and being interested in what lights them up.

    And you know what? Their behavior has changed. There are fewer meltdowns, fewer sibling fights, and way more giggles. When I’m grounded and engaged, they feel safe and seen. And when they feel that way, everything runs more smoothly.

    How I’m Making It Possible

    I’ve realized that showing up for my kids starts with showing up for myself.

    • Daily Movement – Moving my body every day helps me process stress and reset my mind.
    • Choosing Foods that Support Me – I’ve been cutting back on sugar, not from a place of restriction, but because I feel so much better without the highs and crashes.
    • Little Moments of Joy – Reading a few pages of a book, taking a hot shower, or sipping tea before bed fills me up so I can pour into my family.

    These small habits are helping my nervous system stay regulated, which means I can respond with patience instead of reacting out of stress.

    The Ripple Effect

    I didn’t expect the shift in my energy to ripple into my whole house, but it has. The mornings feel calmer. Playtime feels lighter. Even bedtime feels less like a battle and more like a connection point.

    And maybe that’s the secret — when I take care of me, I have the capacity to take care of them, too. And when I make sure my kids feel truly seen, I’m breaking a generational pattern of disconnection.

    Your Turn

    If you’ve been stuck in survival mode, I see you. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start today. Take a deep breath, release some tension in your body, choose one thing that feels nourishing — and most importantly, give your kids a few moments of undivided attention. It might change more than you think.

  • Mindful Presence: Finding Sweetness in the Moment (Not in the Pantry)

    There was a time when I didn’t even realize how often I was reaching for sugar just to soothe myself through the chaos. A moment of frustration, a tired afternoon, a noisy room full of tiny voices calling “Mom!” on repeat — and suddenly I’d be halfway through a pack of chocolate chips, barely remembering how they got into my hand.

    But lately, I’ve been practicing something different.

    I’m learning to come back to the moment — especially with my kids. Not the perfect, Instagram-worthy moment, but the messy, beautiful, in-between ones: when my son is telling me a long story about his latest Minecraft creation, or when my daughter wants to show me the same jump for the tenth time. Those are the moments I used to try to escape with sugar. Now, I’m trying to be in them instead.

    One thing I’ve noticed: the more I resist the present moment, the more I try to control everything around me — especially my kids. I tighten up. I start snapping, micromanaging, needing everything to be just so. But when I soften into what’s actually happening, even if it’s inconvenient or chaotic, I’m a lot more grounded. The urge to control fades. The need for sugar fades too.

    The other day I was outside with the kids, and I felt that familiar surge of overwhelm as my mental to-do list started spiraling: I should be working, I should be cleaning, I should be catching up. I could feel the pressure in my chest building, thoughts racing. But instead of getting swept up in it, I noticed the chaos in my head. I deepened my breath. And I looked at my kids.

    They were just… playing. Laughing. Being kids.

    So I stayed. I chose to watch them, to really see them — and suddenly, everything softened. I felt so grateful for that moment: my kids playing together, the sunshine on my skin, the stillness that was waiting for me underneath all that mental noise. That presence was everything. And it was so much sweeter than anything I could have found in the pantry.

    This isn’t about guilt or being the perfect parent. It’s about choosing presence over autopilot. Choosing connection over comfort food. Choosing to feel what’s happening instead of numbing it away.

    And honestly? It’s not always easy. Sometimes I still get the urge to disappear into a bag of trail mix or sneak a handful of something sweet while no one’s looking. But I’m getting better at pausing. Breathing. Noticing.

    And when I do that — when I stop resisting and just let the moment be what it is — I often realize the thing I was running from isn’t as scary or overwhelming as it felt. Sometimes I even find joy in it.

    So now, when I feel that pull to run to the pantry, I try to ask myself:

    What if the sweetness I’m craving is already right here?

    Because one day, the toys won’t be scattered everywhere. The interruptions will quiet. And I know I’ll miss it — all of it. These days are fleeting, and I want to live them, not numb my way through them.

    ✨ Try This: A Simple Presence Practice

    Next time you feel yourself spiraling with stress or reaching for sugar out of habit, try this tiny reset:

    1. Pause.
    2. Put one hand on your heart or belly.
    3. Take three slow, deep breaths.
    4. Name one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, and one thing you can feel.
    5. Whisper to yourself: “I’m safe to be here now.”

    It might seem small, but this shift can help you return to your body — and to the life that’s happening around you.

    🌱 Presence Reminders for Daily Life

    Here are some gentle cues I’ve used to reconnect when I feel myself slipping into control or autopilot:

    – Every time I sip my water, I take a breath and come back to my body.
    – When my child says “Mom!” for the tenth time, I use that as a grounding moment instead of a trigger.
    – I leave my phone in another room while spending time with my kids, even just for 10 minutes.
    – I keep a sticky note nearby that says “This is the moment.”

    🧡 One Moment is Enough

    If you’re reading this and feeling like it’s hard to be present — you’re not alone.
    But maybe today, you can choose one moment to slow down and stay.
    One moment to soften instead of control.
    One moment to breathe and look around you, just like I did outside with my kids.
    That one moment is enough. And it’s a start.

  • When I Let Go of the To-Do List, I Found My Kids Again

    Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m holding up the entire house with two tired hands.

    The dishes.
    The laundry.
    The meals.
    The kids’ emotions.
    My own emotions.
    The invisible checklist that loops through my mind from morning to night.

    And recently, something in me whispered: This isn’t sustainable.

    The weight I’ve been carrying—physically, emotionally, mentally—has felt heavier than ever. Especially with my husband checked out lately, glued to the TV, barely present with the kids. I know he’s struggling too—he’s said it’s depression from losing his job—but knowing that doesn’t make it easier when I feel like I’m parenting alone.

    I’ve tried to push through.
    Tried to be efficient.
    Tried to manage everyone and everything like I’m some kind of machine.

    But I’m not.
    And I don’t want to be.

    So yesterday… I stopped.

    I didn’t plan on it. But something in me just surrendered. I let the to-do list sit where it was. I let go of trying to be “productive.” I didn’t force myself to multitask or squeeze in extra chores while my kids played.

    I played with them.
    Fully.
    Presently.
    Joyfully.

    And something wild happened… I felt alive again.

    I had fun. Real fun—not that fake, “I’m-smiling-but-thinking-about-dinner” kind of fun. I laughed. I chased them. I watched their faces light up and realized how long it’s been since I truly joined in their world.

    And the to-do list?
    It still got done.
    Not all at once. Not on a strict timeline. But enough.

    I’ve been noticing this pattern in myself: the more I resist what’s happening, the more I try to control everything around me. And when I do that, I feel more stressed, more reactive, more exhausted. But when I pause… when I breathe… when I accept what’s in front of me and meet it with presence—something shifts.

    There’s more peace.
    More grace.
    More room for me and the kids to just be.

    And while I still feel that familiar tug toward “getting everything done,” I’m learning that presence is productivity too.
    That being with my children, fully, is not a break from my job—it is the most important part of my job.

    So today, I’m choosing that again.
    Even if it’s messy.
    Even if the laundry piles up.
    Even if dinner is just chicken nuggets and cut-up fruit.

    I’m choosing presence over perfection.
    Connection over control.
    And joy—real joy—over just making it through the day.

    1. Letting the to-do list go (just for a little while)
      I didn’t abandon responsibility—I just pressed pause. I reminded myself that the dishes could wait, the laundry would still be there later, and that I could trust time to stretch a little if I chose to be present now. Releasing that inner urgency made space for joy.
    2. Breathing before reacting
      When I noticed overwhelm or frustration bubbling up, I put my hand on my chest and just took a slow, deep breath. It didn’t fix everything, but it gave me a pause—a window where I could respond gently instead of snapping or zoning out. That breath anchored me to now.
    3. Saying yes to play
      Instead of trying to get the kids to “go play” so I could do something else, I stepped into their world. Even five minutes of full-body, full-heart play shifted the energy in our home. It reminded me that joy is right here when I choose to engage in it.

    You’re Not Alone

    If you’re a mom feeling overwhelmed, like you’re constantly doing everything for everyone else—please know this: you are not failing. You’re just carrying too much. And sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is let something go and be right here, just for a moment.

    You deserve joy too.

    Let the house be a little messy. Let the list wait. Let your heart rest in the giggles, the sunshine, the tiny hands pulling you into their world.

    It’s not perfect. It’s presence.
    And that’s more than enough. 💛