Breaking the Cycle

  • Breaking the Weekend Binge Cycle: Choosing Consistency Over Cruelty

    Last weekend was Halloween, and I let myself go completely wild. I told myself it was okay — it’s Halloween, after all — and gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted. That “permission” turned into opening the floodgates, and I ended up gorging myself all weekend long.

    Every night I ate until I felt sick. I couldn’t sleep well, my body was overloaded, and by Monday, I felt physically awful and emotionally wrecked. I even had alcohol on Halloween, which only made things worse — I regretted it the moment I realized how terrible my sleep and anxiety were afterward.

    By Monday morning, I was exhausted, foggy, and anxious. The more I’ve reflected on my past binges, the clearer it’s become: the anxiety always follows. And it’s usually tied to sugar — the more sugar I eat, the more anxious and hopeless I feel in the days after.

    That’s when I made a decision.

    I decided to stop being cruel to myself.
    I decided that I deserve consistency.
    I decided that I deserve a healthy, fit body and a calm, stable mind.

    Because the truth is, gorging myself on food isn’t self-care — it’s self-destruction. And I’m done with that.


    —

    When I Binge, I Disconnect

    When I’m in binge mode, I completely check out. I get irritable, I ignore my kids, I ignore my husband, and I scroll mindlessly on my phone. It’s like I’m not even there. And it can last the entire weekend — once I binge one night, I almost always continue through Sunday.

    Weekdays aren’t the problem anymore; I’ve built better structure during the week. But weekends? My brain still automatically associates them with indulgence and “freedom.” It’s a pattern I’ve repeated so often that it’s now a habit.

    My brain has learned that weekends = sweets, overeating, and escape.
    Now, it’s time to teach it something new.


    —

    Reprogramming My Mind

    This week, I took a gentler approach. Instead of diving into restriction (which only backfires), I allowed myself to binge on fruit if I felt the urge. It’s helping me transition out of the old pattern without the all-or-nothing thinking.

    And moving into the next week, I’m setting small, consistent goals:

    Eat one meal mindfully every day. I struggle with this, especially at dinner when I’m starving and distracted by my kids. I want to practice slowing down, chewing thoroughly, and actually enjoying my food.

    Increase my hydration. I know how much better I feel when I’m drinking enough water.

    Walk at least 6,000 steps a day. Nothing extreme — just enough to move my body and clear my head.


    Each morning, I also spend a few minutes visualizing what it feels like to be at my healthiest weight — strong, confident, and at peace in my body. It’s my reminder that this journey isn’t about punishment; it’s about becoming who I’m meant to be, one small step at a time.


    —

    Why I’m Sharing This

    I’m writing all of this because I know I’m not the only one who struggles. The guilt, the frustration, the feeling of hopelessness — it’s real, and it’s heavy. But I’m ready to change, and I want to help others who feel stuck in the same cycle.

    Because it really does start with mindset.

    My old mindset made me believe I needed to “let go” on weekends to feel free. My new mindset is learning that freedom comes from consistency, not chaos. It’s about teaching my brain that weekends are safe — I don’t need to go into survival mode.

    So this is where my next chapter begins: with small, steady steps toward peace, health, and self-respect.


    —

    If you’re reading this and you relate — you’re not alone.
    This journey is hard, but it’s possible. And we’re worth every effort it takes to heal.

  • Breaking the Binge Pattern — Choosing Myself Again and Again

    This past weekend, something shifted.

    On Saturday night, we had friends over to play Pandemic. I had bought a bunch of junk food for everyone to enjoy — chips, candy, cakes, you name it. I also picked up some fruit for myself, thinking I’d stick to that while everyone else snacked.

    But after dinner, I found myself slipping into that familiar binge mode. The pub mix we had was insanely good, and I kept going back for more. Usually, this is where everything unravels for me. I hit a point where I just stop caring and start eating whatever’s around — sugar, candy, cakes — and it turns into a full-blown binge spiral.

    But this time was different.

    Instead of punishing myself or saying “screw it,” I forgave myself. I noticed the behavior, but I didn’t shame myself for it. I reminded myself that it was okay. I didn’t need to spiral. I had the rice cakes and fruit I originally planned on, and I didn’t even end up eating any sugar.

    That was new.

    Then Sunday hit, and I was exhausted. I stayed up late the night before, and Ashlyn (my daughter) woke up three times during the night. I was running on fumes, and early in the day my body started crying out for comfort food.

    I listened. I ate when I was hungry and made nourishing choices — not perfect, but mindful.

    After lunch, the tiredness deepened, and so did the cravings. I found myself back on the couch with the pub mix, snacking again. But then — again — I hit a familiar mental fork in the road. That voice whispered, “You might as well eat the cakes. You already blew it.”

    But I didn’t fall for it.

    I paused. I asked myself, “Do I actually want to feel like crap the rest of the day?” And honestly, I didn’t. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to break the cycle.

    So I did. I forgave myself again. I reminded myself it was okay to have eaten more than I planned. It didn’t mean I had to throw away the rest of the day. I stayed connected to myself. I ate mindfully. I didn’t touch the sugar. And for me, that was a big win.

    This is What It Looks Like to Collapse the Old Timeline

    Lately, I’ve been shifting into a timeline where I have a healthy relationship with food — where I trust myself, nourish my body, and live at a natural, healthy weight.

    I’m not bingeing like I used to. I’m not weighing myself because I know that stepping on that scale pulls me right back into control mode. It makes me want to restrict, and restricting leads me right back to bingeing.

    I don’t want that anymore.

    So I’m choosing something different. Every day. Every moment.

    I’m choosing to trust the process.

    I’m choosing to eat based on how I feel, not how much I want to weigh.

    I’m choosing to lean into healthier food because it makes me feel more alive — not because I’m trying to punish myself.

    And yes, sometimes I eat snacks that aren’t “ideal.” But the difference now is this:

    I forgive myself immediately. I don’t spiral. I don’t abandon myself.

    That’s not weakness. That’s growth. That’s power.

    For Anyone Struggling With the Same Pattern:

    Here’s what I’m learning — and what might help you too:

    • It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself again and again.
    • Binge urges are not moral failings. They’re often signals that your nervous system is overloaded, your body is undernourished, or your heart is craving relief.
    • You can overeat and still choose to return to yourself. You don’t have to throw the day away.
    • Self-forgiveness is the antidote to the binge cycle.
    • Presence is power. Even when it’s messy. Especially when it’s messy.

    You are allowed to make a different choice at any point. Even after the handful of chips. Even after the second round. Even after the cake.

    Every moment is a doorway back to yourself.

    And when you walk through that doorway, again and again, you start to collapse the old timeline.

    And you begin to live in the one where you are free.

    I’m not perfect, but I’m present. And that’s everything.